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Friday, January 28, 2011

Keep it in Your Pants

-You can tell a lot about a person from his underwear. Rachel Bilson

Now first off....I HATE the word "panties."  It is a creepy term reserved for the lady with the British accent on Victoria Secret commercials & tales from Penthouse Forum.  It makes me uncomfortable, that's all.  

We all own them.  Briefs, bikinis, thongs.. (Most don't like to admit, but I can guarantee that every woman reading this post, has a pair of hipster, granny-panties hiding in the back of her underwear drawer).  Now, don't deny it ladies.. 

That being said, there are really 3 main choice when it comes to our comfort "down under."  I have broken them down for you with a handy rating guide.  (I obviously have too much time on my hands)

The BRIEF:  (a.k.a granny panty, knickers, the ugly ones )

Generally worn only if you are: over 70, at certain "times" of the month, after Thanksgiving dinner & when your boyfriend/husband/lover is away.  They are usually cotton & super-comfy.  To be honest, you might as well have on a chastity belt.  No one from the outside is getting into those things!  Unfortunately, they get a bum rap (pun intended)  They are UGLY & are shunned by the other members in the lingerie draw. 

What it says about you: 
"I'm someones grandmother" 
"I watch too much "Mad Men"
"not tonight dear, I have a headache"

Wedgie Factor = 0
Sexiness = -6  (that is a negative..)
Comfort = 10

As GOOD as it gets Brief

BAD, BAD brief


The BIKINI:  (a.k.a the bikini, I guess)

The go-to for most of us.  Comfortable with a hint of sexy.  Can be low rise, boy short or classic. These are sexy enough for a first date and comfortable enough for a work out. Can usually be found in multiple colors, mingling amongst other garments in the drawer.

What it says about you: 
"I'm flirty, sporty "  
"I'm thinking about sleeping with you"
"don't worry, the g-string will make it's appearance soon"

Wedgie Factor =5
Sexiness = 7 & up
Comfort = 10
good abs, BAD bikini

GOOD bikini



The G-STRING  (a.k.a thong, butt-floss, or the "why bother?")

Hot, sexy & oh, so comfy..Most of the time. The g-string has gained a lot of popularity with the ladies.(and the men or women that love them) They come in all shapes, sizes & colors & dare I mention, the "edible" kind, if you dare..  Essential for those who sport low-rise jeans, yoga pants & work the main stage at The Foxy Lady.  The g-string has gone main stream, bringing out the bad girl in all of us.  Setting up shop in the top draws of soccer moms, teens & single women everywhere..

What is says about you:  
"I'm hot"
"No, really..I'm really hot"
"Sure, I would love to give you a lap dance"

Wedgie Factor= 10+
Sexiness = 10+
Comfort = am I even wearing underwear?

GOOD g-string
BAD..um, what the Hell is this?

Now, "Going Commando" did not make my list, because it is a bit gross.  Only bad things can come (again, pun intended) from NOT wearing underwear.  (See: Britney Spears & Paris Hilton if more information is needed here)

What kind of girl are you?  

Just do me a favor & keep it in your pants.

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