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Thursday, April 7, 2011


Channel surfing again last night.  I get sucked into so many crap shows.  Last night is was TLC's Extreme Couponing. (Extreme? Like this will be added to the rotation at the next X-games?)  The show highlights everyday people (who are obviously manic) who are expert shoppers.  They have a heroin-like addiction & collect thousands of coupons then basically pay little to nothing for groceries.  I couldn't stop watching.  These people stockpile items in their homes.  I really think this should be a sister-show to Hoarders and/or Intervention to be honest.

One woman takes her family on weekly trips to the dumpsters. You heard me. The dumpsters!  She has her child sitting in filth trying to recover coupons that others discard.  (Sure, that's normal?!)  I have to admit, the results are mind-blowing.  One woman had a bill of $1900 and paid about $5.00 for it all. Amazing, right?  (I really do not see the need for 95 bottles of mustard & 35 packages of Maalox, but to each his own.)  The savings is unreal & in this day & age, we are all trying to save money.  But this really borders on obsession.  It is crazy-addictive.  For them & me.

Then I saw a promo for yet another "Housewives" show coming soon to VH1.  Are you ready for this?  Mob Wives.  WTF? The Soprano's has gone reality.  The light-hearted chronicles of four busted women who are trying to "pick up the pieces" while their husband's or father's "do time for crime-related activity."  Nice euphemism.  (I swear one of women, Karen, is a dead-ringer for Khole Kardashian & what she will look like in about 10 years)  These Staten Island disasters are here to tell their stories.  I'm sure the Bosses are thrilled about this.  (Didn't any of them see what happened to Adriana on the Soprano's?)  They even have faux-mug shots in the introductions.  Nice touch.  I'm sure they each have real ones but the hair & makeup was not up to par in those. 

In the Super trailer you get a sneak peek into the lives of these wives.  One quotes "the code of ethics is taken very seriously in the underground world."  I'm sure it is.  Why not do a reality show?  That is the perfect way to keep things under raps.  This preview is like Jersey Shore gone wild, if you can imagine that. At least Snooki will know what her future holds.  There are more "bleeps" than actual words.  One thing for sure: these bitches are mean, foul-mouthed & scary.  Perfect for reality T.V.

I never got into any of these "Housewives" shows.  People apparently love this shit.  I think the term "Housewives" is used very loosely. These women are rich, permanently tan, have hair extensions & do nothing but go to lunch, hit on young guys, adjust their fake boob & have exhausting cat fights in front of the camera.  Why is this entertaining?  It is just another example of why women suck.  They are haters. Women cannot get along, in any setting.  It is a fact.  It's a shame, but I speak the truth.  What is wrong with us?  This is the only REAL thing about reality TV.  Women will never be able to co-exist peacefully. 

Like other reality shows before, they give us a glimpse into unreal life.  Remember the first season of The Real World? (all I remember was that cute, disco boy Eric.)  Not so cute anymore...  Now THAT is reality my friends.  Nothing real about living for free in an amazing house with hot guys & girls that make out with each other, get hammered & have no responsibility.  OK, I just described my life when I was in college.  But that ain't the "real world." 

I want to start a new reality show.  The REAL-Real Housewives.  It will follow the lives of women who are not skinny, pale as a ghost & have sagging breasts. It will show exciting adventures to Super Wal-Mart, doing laundry & dealing with raging PMS. No champagne lunches here.  Just a quick Fiber One bar & a DD iced coffee.  Like Mob Wives, there will be plenty of foul language.  This is of course if I am on the show.  (I have a problem with the f-word.  Sadly, I love it!)  The show will be never-ending, like the list of things the "real" housewives" have to do. 

What do think?  I smell a hit!  I will be holding auditions in the upcoming months.  The prerequisites will be that you are married, bitter & cannot remember the last time you had sex.
Please forward your resumes to me directly. 

Now that would be refreshing, don't you think?

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