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Thursday, January 26, 2012

Workin' a Merkin

To pay homage to my most popular blog post to date, Mind Your Own Bikini's Wax, I thought I would revisit the topic with some new, interesting news on the lady-land down under.  It is 2012.  The year of the dragon, our supposed fate awaiting us in December thanks to the end of the Mayan calendar and....wait for it... the newest trend.  The Merkin.  Yes, ladies, the merkin is now the newest trend in hoochy adornment.  Now, for those who are confused let's end the suspense.  A merkin is, in lay terms, a pubic wig.  Yes, who knew that they had those? Apparently, less is not more when it comes to the vaj these days.  I, like most of you, do not understand the romance, but let's take a look & see what the hell is going on.

The owner of  the Completely Bare spa, sassy & over-botoxed Cindy Barshop from NY Housewives" fame, says that "the merkin business is booming." (It is winter afterall, maybe the kitty is cold? )  She has recently come under fire from PETA (get a freaking life people) for their use of real fox fur merkins in a variety of colors.  Now, getting a luxe vag wig will cost you a pretty penny with services starting at around $200 bucks.  First rhinestones now fur & feathers?  Are we supposed to create a diorama down there? I am still confused.

I thought the idea was to take it all off.. Now this is what we are supposed to go with?  Gives new meaning to hair pie, huh?

This disturbs me a little bit.  How are you supposed to conceal this under your pants? 

"Is that a peacock in your pants or are you just mentally deranged?"  Really, ladies.  I am all for spicing things up but this is borderline insane.  It' looks like a craft my 7 year old son would put together.  Unless your are currently employed at Scores, I am thinking that this is not a choice for you. 

The merkin has been around for quite awhile on-screen. I found this little furry nugget on-line. Gotta love Google.  Here is a list of the top 10 merkins.  I have to laugh.  Just saying the word merkin out loud makes me giddy.

There are a number of exotic choices out there. You can totally base it on the occasion & your mans personality.

The Black Tie Event:

The Star Wars lover:

The Golfer

One for breakfast:
(umm, bacon)

There is even one your Grammy can make for you:

Obviously things have gotten totally out of hand in the pleasure palace.  I'm thinking you can make any one of these with some household items, a trip to the craft store & a glue stick. 

Have fun with it girls.  Soon we will all be workin' a merkin.  OK, that was bad..but it was either that or jerkin and I didn't want to go there.  Good luck & please....keep it in your pants..

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Fuc*#% Perfect

Happy New Year!  2012 already?  I like to think that a new year brings new possibilities. The race toward perfection.  This is the year that I will lose weight, stop smoking, reduce stress, do charitable work & focus on becoming a better person.  Yeah, right..  It seems every January I have very high hopes.  In fact , I just had myself a little workout.  Maybe there is hope for me. (although I sit & write this while chain-smoking)  Oops!

I always wanted to be one of those really super-motivated people.  Ones who say "I'm going to run a marathon this year," and then go do it.  Damn those people!  I don't think I was born with that gene. That & I really don't have the physical "attributes" of a runner.  I'm more of a non-runner, if you will.  A sitter. Although after catching a glimpse of myself post-shower in the full length mirror I should really get my ass moving. Good god!  I was an athlete my whole life.  What happened there? I don't feel that guilty.  Even Serena Williams admitted just this week that she hates working out.  (Anything to justify my laziness.) 

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be better. To be perfect. A perfect mother, person, wife, daughter, sister, friend.  I know that I need improvement in many areas.  I am FAR from perfect.

I find it difficult, if not impossible to pick out one thing to work on & then follow through.  I believe that this is the reason why so many of us fail at our so-called "resolutions."  This year WILL be different.  This year we should all make a list of the things we actually LIKE about ourselves.  Instead of beating ourselves up, we should commend ourselves for a job well done.  Resolutions end up being another reason for us to put ourselves down & say "you are weak, & you suck!" Am I right?  IDK..

I challenge each of you to stop criticizing every detail in your life & to stop & realize that your got it pretty good.  You are strong, wonderful & dare I say....OK?  This is my resolution for 2012.  To look at myself in a positive way & be happy at what I see.  I'm tired of trying to find perfect.. because, honestly..I'm never going to get there.  Let's be imperfect. 
I like that idea......