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Friday, April 27, 2012

50 Shades of.. oh, YES!

Unless you have been hiding under a rock, you have most likely heard about the book that is causing quite a stir in the skirts of many women called "50 Shades of Grey."  Being dubbed as "mommy porn," this deliciously explicit story written by E.L. James has awakened the sexual minds of women all over the world.  In a recent interview, James alluded to the fact that his book was written for "fun" and was basically a diary of her sexual fantasies.  Who knew that it would explode like it did?  (pardon the term.)

Anything that is sexual always seems to be considered taboo, even in this day.  Especially if it curls the toes of the most modest of  soccer-moms & good girls.  I am neither of those.  I enjoy a good, juicy fantasy.  What's funny is that this book has rekindled the fire in many women's relationships, which is a very good thing in my book.  From twenty-somethings to silver hairs, "50 Shades of Grey" is considered "acceptable" porn.  Another thing that confuses me.  Pornography has been around a long time, and is mostly considered a "guy thing."  I admit, I have never been afraid of porn.  It has always intrigued me a bit.  Does this make me a slut? No. Women are really funny when it comes to embracing their own sexuality.  Surely, you cannot admit enjoying reading about this play-by-play account of a young girl being thrust into a secret world of S&M and this dominant/submissive relationship.  Didn't you ever see 9 1/2 weeks?  Same premise with a very hot & sexy Mickey Rourke (before he got all spray tanned & busted) Who wasn't on fire watching that little gem? 

This is being considered an "erotic novel."  I love euphemisms.  It's porn, ladies.  Say it out loud with me! Barnes & Noble has never been so happy.  Ladies walking in there with big sunglasses on, like it was V.I.P or something, grabbing this book off the shelves faster than they can print them.  Women proclaiming the this is the "best book they have ever read!"  Funny how sex does that. It has also been said to "unnerve some guys."  Ha! Empowerment at it's best. No longer do we have to pin our sexual fantasies to cheesy Jackie Collins books & Harlequin romances. (icky...Fabio!) I guess it takes a good spanking or two to ring everyone bell.  It has been compared to the Twilight series, in it's similar "secret" world & forbidden love theme.  Vampires & S&M?  Maybe that should be in the next book?

When I went out to buy this book, I was in Wal-Mart at the time.  I asked the women stocking the books if they had it.  She replied "Wal-Mart has decided not to carry that book."  I said "funny, I can by a gun here but not a book with a little sex in it?"  I found that humorous, as did she. I figured with all the pent up mothers shopping there they would make a killing.  But it's not to be I guess.

Women & porn has always been like oil & water.  Women are not supposed to like it, but all their men wished they did.  I mean. what are we talking about here?  Light-off & missionary, I guess.  That is what many women think they are supposed to represent.  Reading a book about some that disturbs & excites you must be bad, right?  WRONG!  Fantasy is just that..fantasy.  You can transport yourself.  Isn't that what books & movies are for?  What's the big deal? 

If you have not read this book, I suggest you get in that minivan and go get it.  Tonight!  It isn't War & Peace, but I gotta tell you, it is a good read if you let yourself take it for what it is.  Go forth ladies..and maybe you could stop at V.I.P. afterwards?  Just a thought.



Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Mother, Mother..

After watching a piece this morning on The Today Show, I'm feeling a little better about myself.  The segment focused on a mom who wrote a book called "Confessions of a Scary Mommy."  An honest look at motherhood, as they call it. (Damn, this should have been my book deal!)  After a year of blogging about the ups & downs of being a mother in this day & age, I find it unfortunate that we still need to justify how we choose to parent our children.  How we define "mother" and ours & ours alone.

In the video montage, mother after mother admit to feeling overwhelmed, having the life sucked out of them and just wanting to read Us magazine instead of cooking dinner.  You know what?  All OK!!!  Is it so bad that a mother admits that she looks forward to when the kids go to bed so she can uncork her Chardonnay and relax? Or another who confessed that she feels no guilt when she vacations, sans kids, twice a year with her husband?  I say, good for you ladies!  Becoming a mother does not mean forgetting everything you are.  Sure there are things you need to prioritize, but we can't have any sense of self? 

I have been a mother for almost 9 years. A rookie, you could say. I have learned an incredible amount about myself as a person during this crazy & amazing time. Not all good, but not all bad either. I remember when my oldest was born.  I looked at my husband and said "we are somebody's parents?"  OMG!  I guess I figured I would be transformed into this domestic goddess that wore an apron, whistled while I worked & had all the answers.  9 years later, I don't own an apron or an ironing board (much to the chagrin of my own mother) and remain as confused as ever.  What I tell myself everyday is that it is OK!  It is OK that I don't know the answers.  Who does?  These so-called "experts" try to tell us that balance is the key.  I tend to lean more toward alcohol or the magic 8 ball.

The truth is that no one is a mother like you. You are you.  Wonderful, crazy, neurotic, bitchy, unstable, loving & exhausted you!  And anyone who tells you that is wrong needs to be kicked in the shins.  Honestly being a mommy is the scariest thing ever.  You are responsible for a life & raising this child in a day where nothing a taboo and cookies & milk cannot solve everything.  No book can tell you what to do. They can only justify your feelings & validate that you are only one person who is doing their best.  What gets me is that we are constantly having to explain why we are who we are.  Who are we trying to impress? 

There are many times when I sit & think about "what would so-and-so think" and how I am perceived by others.  I know that it shouldn't matter, but deep inside, it does.  To many of us, we are out to prove something to someone when we really should just.. be.  It is a struggle for all of us mommies out there.  But at the end of the day I can sleep knowing that I am doing the best I can do, and that is has to be enough. 

There isn't an attainable mold we need to fit into.  Trying to do so results in this monumental guilt complex that we all have. That is no way to live.  I want to be happy, don't you?  I would love to be this stunningly beautiful, perfectly fit, cupcake baking, skinny-jeans wearing mom who floats through PTO meetings & baseball practices with ease.  In the real world, I wear sweatpants more often than I care to admit, I have roots, my house is not spotless and I sometimes do enjoy reading the occasional Us magazine while my kids eat chicken nuggets from a bag.  I think there are more of us out there than you think, ladies.  Embrace you..and forget all the other bullshit out there.  Is that so scary?