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Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Dear Mr. Fantasy.....

I gotta say, I'm feeling a little..what's the word?  What's the female equivalent to blue balls?  Is there one? (according to the Urban Dictionary, that would be Blue Bean) I finished all 3 Fifty Shades books and now I'm left with, well... nothing!  I don't think I had ever been so motivated to read anything, ever!  (a little sad, but, I'll admit it)

This is a brief look into the 2 weeks I was reading the trilogy....

"Honey?  Where are you going?"  ....9:45pm every night for 2 weeks straight


"Um, I'm tired.  I'm just going to read a little before bed."


2 hours later....


"Honey?  What is that buzzing sound??" 


OK, I added that part in for fun (wink, wink)

It's like a porn hangover... I feel a little pent up. You know what I mean ladies? (Sure you do, you sex kittens.) It's OK, you are not alone.

SPOILER ALERT!!!  OK, when the narrator shifted from Ana to Christian toward the end of book 3, I have to say, I was pretty jacked up.  I think I would rather read it from his point of view.  I have about had it with all this inner goddess nonsense & really bad euphemisms for vagina.  I mean, can't you think of anything better than "my sex?"  Really? 

After 1623 pages of Christian and Ana, flogging, cuffs, multiple orgasms, submissives & ben-wa balls, a girl gets a little hot & bothered.  I guess romance has taken a dark & delicious turn, eh?  No more walks on the beach on a moonlit night...now it's to the playroom for some nipple clamps & blindfolds.  This book should come with a how-to guide.

This reminds me of the feelings I had when I watched the very first season of True Blood.  (before it started getting confusing & borderline ridiculous) How could a show about vampires turn me on?  Perhaps it was all the sex, blood & Fangtasia. (A place, that if truly existed, I would SO go to)  I may need therapy..or more therapy, I should say.  Sookie, Bill & Eric (yum) took me on a ride similar to 50 Shades.  You can't help think to yourself.. "am I a completely sick & twisted individual?"  Guess I'm guilty..on all counts.

I have heard these stories have various comparisons to the Twilight saga.  Maybe it's me, but that whole thing was super creepy.  All those "Twi-Hard" moms having parties and swooning over Edward & Jake?  Aren't they teenagers?  That borders on jail bait, you crazy cougars! At least I am hot for adult vampires & dominants.

The line between fantasy & reality is blurred here.  I think that women enjoy fantasy in their minds, while men want to actually experience the fantasy..for real.  In this day of disposable monogamy, is it wrong to explore & actually fulfill your fantasies?  I have had many conversations with men & women about this. Will making your fantasy a reality ruin your relationship?  Interesting question.  I guess it depends on a few things. 

First of all..trust!  I am a girl. Girls have a hard time separating sex & love.  For many, it is one in the same.  That jealousy thing creeps in. (damn, you jealousy!) But from what I have ascertained from my research is that men don't have this problem.  They can separate love & sex.  This must be a nice.  Many couples look to "spice" things up and end up a complete mess because of jealously.  Funny, how that is.. 

Secondly..(is that even a word?) Real life people look WAY different than the fantasy people you have in your sick little head.  I do not have a group of girlfriends that are 38-23-36 with rock-hard bodies that strip down and break into a tickle fight when we go out for a few too many drinks.  That is a shame, but true.

My thoughts are that in order for this to be a success, both parties must be on the same EXACT page.  Boundaries, rules and all that good stuff need to be discussed and agreed upon before you embark on your hedonistic journey.  Otherwise, you are screwed. (and not in the good way.)

Perhaps all this 50 Shades craziness will open up some minds and make relationships better?  I think it will.  Then again, I'm a little twisted.

Sorry for all the sex talk lately.. These damn books are making me crazy.  So while I patiently wait for the next installment Christian & Ana to be released, I will be here, biting my bottom lip.


Laters, baby......